


Honestly

by Avery_Kedavra



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Sweetheart, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders-centric, Background Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Background Thomas Sanders, Gen, Mentioned Patton Sanders - Freeform, Protective Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, it's basically Virgil's thought process throughout the episode, mentioned Janus sanders, mentioned logan sanders - Freeform, spoilers for the new episode!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:13:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26936437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avery_Kedavra/pseuds/Avery_Kedavra
Summary: Virgil thought he knew how today was going to go. Thomas panics over a guy every other week, and they always end up heading home. Virgil's fine with that. It keeps everyone out of danger.But Virgil also wants his best friend to be happy. And when things go wrong, Virgil takes a chance.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Thomas Sanders
Comments: 14
Kudos: 162





	Honestly

**Author's Note:**

> It’s been four hours since the new Asides and my writer’s block is already cured. Now have some Virgil.
> 
> I'm on Tumblr at @averykedavra!

Virgil told Roman the truth--kind of.

Yeah, he doesn’t really _know_ why he did that.

But he doesn’t _not_ know. He’s got a feeling--a gut instinct, a little twitch that tells him something about how it went. And maybe that feeling is a complete lie. He’s never trusted how he feels. He’s always sounding the alarm at the wrong things. And he’s always getting people hurt in the process.

If he trusts himself, though--for a second, just a millisecond, short enough to be safe--he can piece together how it happened.

‘Cause today was normal, up to then. There’s been a million guys. Roman has a tendency to go after whatever cute dude he sees, which is really stressful on Virgil’s end but Thomas is super gay, he’s gotta be like this. And this was just another guy on the assembly line--cute, maybe gay maybe not, and really off-limits.

Virgil’s been here before. So he plays his part. He keeps Thomas safe, because the guy could be a _murderer_ , or a weirdo, or really famous and ready to trash Thomas’ reputation when Thomas acts like an idiot. He grabbed Thomas and kept him seated and lunged at him, and of course Roman was fighting back, but it was fine. Virgil was winning. Virgil had things under control.

Virgil’s always had things under control. It scares him, sometimes, how much control he has.

He’s not even a--one of them anymore. He’s not even trying to hurt Thomas and keep him locked up forever, much as he’d like to. Much as he _wishes_ he could, and it’s his ugliest wish of all. He could play the villain again. Scare Thomas into obedience. Compel him with his voice and keep him locked in his house until the sun goes away. Safer, yeah. His job? Maybe.

Thomas would hate him, though, and that scares Virgil, too.

He could make Thomas listen, he could do everything in his power to keep Thomas in check, and he doesn’t. He just shoves him behind a potted plant and panics inside his hoodie.

But it’s fine. Thomas still listens to Virgil, and Roman’s not gonna get what he wants today, so Virgil can almost relax. There are no real stakes here. Thomas isn’t gonna go through with it. He doesn’t have the guts, because _Virgil_ doesn’t have the guts. Maybe if Patton was here, Virgil might be outnumbered. But Patton’s who-knows-where, probably hanging out with--

Yeah.

They’re alright without Patton.

And Virgil knows how today is going to go.

He worries, of course. He worries it’ll go wrong. He worries it’ll go _right_. But maybe he’s optimistic, because he’s sure Thomas would never go up to the guy and say hello. And maybe he’s naive, because Thomas is still a good guy, and Thomas knows better than to lie to a possible boyfriend.

What kind of relationship would _that_ lead to? Virgil knows all too well. You can’t love someone if you don’t trust them. You can’t love someone if they care more about making you feel better than helping you. You can’t love someone if they lie.

Virgil doesn’t want Thomas’ heart broken. He doesn’t want to lose another person. Thomas broke up with his ex and Virgil decided they’d be okay on their own. He’ll always be okay on his own.

And of course Roman thinks differently, toggling back and forth between excitement and judgment, a whirlwind of emotions. Virgil’s seen Roman like this a million times.

Again. He knows how this goes.

It’s almost comforting, the familiarity. Like nothing’s changed at all. Like Deceit--

Yeah.

And Virgil knows how this goes when Thomas psychs himself up, and he talks Thomas out of it but _he’s_ Thomas so he’s only saying what Thomas knows--Thomas _knows_ they can’t do this--and then the guy shows up again and that’s a variable Virgil didn’t expect--he’s three seconds away from hiding--Roman can handle this--no, Roman can’t, Roman’s panicking and Roman’s flustered and Roman’s--

Roman’s letting the guy walk away.

Roman’s head is dropping.

Virgil blinks.

Relief is what he feels at first, sweet crushing relief that makes his hands shake. It’s over. It’s over and they can go home and crash in bed and watch Parks and Recreation. Virgil did it. They’re safe, Thomas is safe, _Roman_ is safe--

Roman is sad.

Roman’s lips are pressed together and his shoulders are tight and his eyes are narrowed in a way Virgil barely sees. He’s staring at the floor, not at the disappearing back of mysterious cute guy.

This. This is wrong, and it makes Virgil’s nerves jolt, like they’re being tossed about in a jam jar. This is wrong. Wrong, bad, _no_ , and every bit of him is on edge again.

Roman’s just letting the guy go.

Roman never lets _anything_ go. Like, ever. Roman is the freaking prince, the one who chases after dreams even when it’s stupid and reckless and irritating. Roman’s the brave one. He’s supposed to be _doing_ this--he’s supposed to be going after this guy--and Virgil doesn’t want him to--but it feels _wrong_ to not have him charging into love’s battlefield--wrong to have him standing here, saying it’s better that they go home, sounding like _Virgil_ \--

Roman’s supposed to be the hero here.

And he’s standing too still.

Virgil should shut up, Virgil should go home, Virgil should do any number of things. Virgil is _Anxiety_. Virgil needs to do his job.

Virgil is Virgil.

Roman is his best friend.

He takes a deep breath. Another. In and out. Four seven eight. He pictures Logan there, saying that everything’s going to be okay, that Virgil has the ability to solve problems instead of identifying them. Instead of causing them.

Four seven eight. Patton believes in him. Patton might say it in a way Virgil doesn’t always like, but Patton thinks Virgil is a good guy. His best friend.

Four seven eight. Thomas needs him.

Four seven eight. Roman needs him, and Roman’s done so much for Virgil, and Virgil wants to see him smile again.

Four. Seven. Eight.

Virgil shoves Thomas forward.

Thomas stumbles up to the guy. Roman’s eyes are wide, and he’s not stopping Virgil, and Virgil’s not stopping either.

Virgil can’t call it bravery. It’s fear. It’s always been fear--fear for Thomas, fear for himself, fear that Thomas will lose this opportunity and be lonely forever. Fear that Thomas will be sad. Fear that Roman will be sad. He’s afraid, and for once, it’s for someone other than himself.

Being scared doesn’t just mean standing still, he’s learning. It means taking a leap, because you don’t know when a chance might be taken away.

Virgil is taking a chance. And who knows what will happen. And he’s terrified.

He’s always been scared, and for once, he’s going to do something with that.

Thomas is standing in front of this guy. And he’s really cute. And he’s an opportunity for something real. And Thomas _wants_ this, so badly, and _Roman_ wants this. Roman wants this, and if Roman isn’t ready to be brave just yet, Virgil can have his back.

Virgil is taking a leap of faith, and it’s worth it to see Roman's face. Hesitant. Surprised. Hopeful.

If Roman can hope, so can Virgil.

Change is scary, but it happens. Virgil can’t fight that. He can’t stay on the same paths forever and expect to get anywhere.

Change is scary, but maybe if Virgil tries hard enough, things can change for the better.

Virgil takes a deep breath. Four, seven, eight. And he imagines Janus smiling.

Thomas opens his mouth and tells the truth.


End file.
